called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
