oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
