please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
