remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
