hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
