what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
