Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
