we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
