is your mom at the bar?
hotel room ftw
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize