remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
