Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
