i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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