its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
