As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
