I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
