We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
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