forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
