it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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