Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
