How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
