People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Damn victory sex feels great
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
