You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
