I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
