apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
