I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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