I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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