the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
