Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
