therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
