Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
