Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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