My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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