Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
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you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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