Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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