i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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