I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
