i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
