I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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