One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
