How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
