The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
