Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
