Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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