sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
