You're so nebulous sometimes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
