Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We just shotgunned beers for America
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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