girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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