i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we're making bets on your personal life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
