they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
