I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
