You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
