I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
