you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
