i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
