Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
