He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
