Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
