I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
