Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
