I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
