I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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