I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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