I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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