Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize