just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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