he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
