OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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