so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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