I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
