We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.