Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.