You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.