Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(469): View more from Texas

You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate

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(616): View more from Michigan

I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(413): View more from Massachusetts

Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.

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(801): View more from Utah

I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified

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(+61): View more from Australia

Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something

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