is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
