i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
